


Paper Hearts

by ravenclawing



Category: offgun
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Divorce, M/M, Married Life, Unhealthy Relationships, falling in love before falling out of love, off and gun are tired of each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29696145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenclawing/pseuds/ravenclawing
Summary: a story about how sometimes you fall out of love and forever loses its meaning
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Kudos: 2





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> my first ever attempt of writing an angst !! this is supposed to be a one shot but it got too long HAHA, let me know what you think please and leave comments & kudos below so i'll know if i should continue this or not, thank you !
> 
> this fic is inspired by Rendy Pandugo's Paper Heart, give it a listen.

_**“We know we had enough, but it’s one of us tryna play it tough”** _

Off and Gun didn’t know who felt it first, they didn’t know who stopped wanting to embrace each other first, who looked away first everytime their eyes met, who decided that “us” was no longer an option. All they knew was the sparks had long gone between them and the only thing that was left was this overbearing silence that spoke words.

To Off, it was July morning. He had woken up grumpy because he didn’t get much sleep, after all playing poker with Tay until three in the morning did that to you. After five rounds of poker and one too many beers, Off decided that it was best to stop before he had to punch his best friend because the man kept winning and it hurt his pride.

“Friend, isn’t it your anniversary tomorrow?” his bestfriend asked.

“No?” Off answered, hesitant. “No, no, our anniversary is on Gun’s birthday, Tay.” this time Off answered surely.

Tay chuckled, “No not that anniversary you idiot, tomorrow is the three years anniversary from when Gun said yes to marry you.” he explained. “Remember? You guys turn everything into celebration, even little things like when you first kissed Gun under the school’s staircase, or like the first time Gun said i love you. I remember because you used to smack my head and make me memorize every single date! I hate you, my head still hurts!” Tay continued talking while cleaning all the empty beer cans.

Off just sighed and nodded. He didn’t even remember that it was their anniversary tomorrow. Truthfully, at this point Off couldn’t even remember every anniversary they’d make all those years even if you put a gun in his head and ask. He felt bad for making Tay memorize such _'stupid'_ dates.

Off was in a daze, _“Stupid?”_ he asked himself.

But that night Off couldn’t care less about anniversaries, all he wanted was to shower and have a good sleep.

Off was making his own coffee when he saw Gun feeding their dog, Bibii. Conversations between Tay and him last night popped up in his head so he decided to greet Gun good morning.

“Good morning. Happy anniversary, Gun.” and Gun raised his eyebrows, asking. Apparently Gun didn’t remember as well, Off thought. The older smiled before sipping his coffee, “Our three years anniversary of you saying yes to my proposal.” Off then explained, reminding Gun.

“Ah, really? You remember? Sorry I forgot, happy anniversary to you too then.” Gun gave him a sweet smile that looked almost apologetic. Gun went to give Off a half hearted hug for the sake of ‘celebrating’. Off, obviously hugged Gun back, an instant response. The hug didn’t last very long though before Gun pulled back.

Off smiled, “Don’t worry, I didn’t even remember until Tay told me.” After that short conversation, the two went about their day in silence.

_Then, he should’ve known then._

_When he called their anniversaries stupid, when he didn’t feel upset because Gun couldn’t remember, when his heart didn’t beat faster when they touch. When he didn’t want to celebrate happy little moments anymore._

_He should’ve realized that love wasn’t in its place any longer. It had gone away, somewhere. And Off was too exhausted to try and look for it._

*

_**“We know we had enough, it’s even hard to speak let alone laugh”** _

To Gun, it was some time in summer.

Gun had just gotten off from work, exhausted to even be doing anything but he groaned when he realized he had to make Off his coffee. It was fine if Off liked a regular coffee like a normal person would, but Gun had learned it a long time ago that his husband was nowhere near sane. Gun hated this, having to ‘serve’ his husband. He didn’t know why he decided to leave his well paid job in the law firm to work at a daycare for puppies just so he could have more time to take care of his husband. Gun felt little.

Gun started to blame Off for everything because he missed his old job. Not only that, he missed his friends, he missed going to court and feeling the sensation of nerve hits every time he rebutted his opponent’s arguments. He missed winning and --dear Lord-- he couldn’t believe he was saying this _but_ , he even missed losing in court. But of course Gun knew that it wasn’t going to happen again, daydreams were all it was. Not if Off is still working his current job.

Not if Off is still his husband.

Gun would sometimes feel envious towards his lover for eight years because he was doing something that he loved everyday. Not that Gun didn’t love puppies or anything but it was way far from his passion. Gun’s passion laid on something _bigger and better_ than cleaning dog shits everyday.

Gun... that man loved power.

But he felt like his marriage made him feel inferior. Gun used to be a hot shot lawyer from Bangkok, now he’s just someone with a lot of furs stuck on his clothes, and oh how Gun couldn’t wait to shower.

_Gun didn’t realize it at first, but all those days blaming Off for making himself feel powerless was the first sign. Gun didn’t realize how slowly, he learned that love wasn’t always about compromises. Love was about countless regrets._


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashback to when it all began...
> 
> WARNING: cheesy pick up lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i initially wrote this one in the same chapter as chap 1 but it didn't match. 
> 
> anyway, pls leave comments if you think i should continue lol

**_“Nothing left to say, cause i’m pretty sure all the words has fade away._ **

**_Tell me nothing new, i’m all ears. Over and over we found ourselves in silence, cause we both know our lives are not here anymore.”_ **

Whoever created fate must surely be cruel. Why did Off and Gun ever meet and learned how to love together only for life to decide that one day love will no longer take place in between resting arms and kisses? If they had known that this was how it’s going to end, they will make different decisions then. Gun Attaphan would never choose to sit beside Off Jumpol that one morning after Summer break ended. Off wouldn’t crack any silly jokes, and Gun wouldn’t laugh. They wouldn’t be friends because after all, Off Jumpol was a popular jock meanwhile Gun spent most of his recess in the library.

No one wanted to relive painful past, but Off and Gun’s was far from it. Their story began with a bright “hello” but who knew it would end in tearful “goodbye”?

_July 2012_

_Gun can’t believe his luck. First day of school and he is five minutes late from his schedule. You see, Gun is a control freak. He had made a To-Do List two weeks before school even started in which he planned what time he should go to bed, when he should wake up, how long he has to shower and get ready. But to his luck, last night his sister Pim, asked Gun to teach her algebra. And for the love of Buddha, he had no idea how helpless his sister is when it comes to math. He ended up teaching her until midnight and that ruined his 7 hours sleep plan because he has to get up at 5 am._

_So now Gun is in front of his new class with anxiety as his lovely companion. Gun isn’t so good at socializing and making friends, his only friend was New Thitipoom who was already assigned in another class. Gun thinks he is screwed from the start. He had made the list specifically so he at least has some liberty to choose his own seat. But looking at the full classroom in front of him now, that tiny shred of light has made its way into the darkness._

_Scanning the room for an empty seat, Gun finds one in the back beside a tall boy. The boy is laughing and comfortably resting his ass on the table with one leg on his seat. Gun is immediately intimidated, Gun doesn’t like it very much. It’s not like Gun hates the tall boy, it’s just his vibes screams ‘freedom’ and it is too much for Gun._

_He continues observing the tall boy for a minute,_

_“He laughed a lot”, Gun notices but keeps it to himself. The observed boy wouldn’t stop smiling and shouting at his friends._

_He looks playful and… nice? Gun isn’t sure. To confirm his thoughts, he walks into the classroom and finally sits on the only empty seat left. The tall boy and his friends stop their conversations and turn to Gun who is already busy organizing his notebooks and pens, basically ready to learn._

_“Hello there seatmate,” says the tall boy. Off Jumpol._

_It’s not like Gun doesn’t know him. Of course he does. The boy was Off Jumpol, he is very popular. Mostly because he is a star basketball player and vice president of the Photography club in their school. Even so, Gun just chose to ignore his existence for a year until the dimpled kid was forced by life itself to sit next to Off Jumpol._

_Although reluctant to do anything with someone like the tall boy next to him, his family taught him to have good manners and be kind even with strangers. So obviously Gun greeted Off back,_

_“Hi Off, is it okay if i sit here? There are no more seats.”_

_With a smile so big that swallows both of his eyes, Off Jumpol nodded. “Obviously.”_

_“I’m Off Jumpol, you’re Gun Attaphan right?”_ _Gun nods with a hum._

_“Well, little guy you look tense so why don’t I entertain you with a few of my funniest, well-thought jokes?” Off doesn’t even wait for a response and plops himself at the seat beside Gun, elbows on the table playing with one of Gun’s pen._

_Gun is confused, now Off is completely ignoring his friends. Boy was literally shouting not even a minute ago, but now he’s telling Gun a joke?_

_“Go back to your friends and don’t mind me” Gun wants to say, but doesn’t._

_Thinking for a second, Off smiles._

_“What do you call a sad strawberry?” tall boy asks. Gun frowns for a while, thinking whether or not he should play along. Gun decides to think of the answer, but it’s been ten seconds and Gun can’t think of anything yet. With a sigh he shrugs, “I don’t know, what?”_

_“A blueberry” Off answers while laughing. It’s so bad Gun can’t help but laugh too. Not at the joke, but at Off._

_In his head, Off Jumpol is overwhelmed by Gun’s beauty. How is it that his seatmate looks so good laughing? He even has dimples? And the sunlight that shines on him makes Gun look even more breathtaking._

The world conspired to make Off Jumpol fall in love with Gun Attaphan one morning. 

_Off thinks if he dies right now he’d be content. At least he died looking at something beautiful._

_“Gun, I have another one. Hear me out okay?” Gun agrees, still smiling from the previous joke._

_“Time is a great healer. Wanna know what it isn’t?” Off asks._

_“I’m not sure, Off. Tell me.”_

_“A great beautician.”_

_Off earns a chuckle from Gun. “Okay, fair enough.” he shakes his head, not believing the guy next to him and his mediocre dad jokes. Even Gun Attaphan has to admit, Off Jumpol is very charming despite not having the best sense of humour._

_“But I bet fifty years later you’d still look as pretty as you are right now.” Off says. Eyes meeting Gun’s, as if they were holding him hostage._

_Gun can’t react, he doesn’t know what to say or think. His cheeks redden, and because life is full of options to choose, Gun chooses to turn his face away from Off before it gets too late and he starts believing the sweet words, or worse, falling for him._

_Although Gun can’t really do anything about it because he’s pretty sure he already has._


End file.
